dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
