I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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