I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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