Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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