The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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