Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
