So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
