just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
