Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life