im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home