If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
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So did he inherit the massive family cock?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.