Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage