Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think pants incapable of making pants work