If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
