part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
