He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
