you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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