I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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