I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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