OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
