Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm sobbing to NWA
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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