Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
