He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
