Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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