I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I supernannyed him into submission
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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