Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
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FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
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Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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