I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
