I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize