my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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