There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
