If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
do nipples grow back?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
