Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
