yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
