you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
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I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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