I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
