she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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