EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
