Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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