My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
