I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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