I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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