I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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