dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
