i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
