I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
