God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
