Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
