doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
