do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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