That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
