Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
