Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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