im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
