Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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