I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
