I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
