I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
