She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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