someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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