but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
