he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
