so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This is the high leading the old right now
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
