Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
