Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need water and some morals
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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