this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
