saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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