I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
