Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
