Pappa wants mamma naked
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
