so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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