You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
