I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
