Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
