i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
