He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
