they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You are the jesus of drinking
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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