Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
