if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
