life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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