Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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