Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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