The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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