I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
