at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
