she was so not down for the gang bang
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
