Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
